Lost and Found

The light has a way of finding the things that matter most,
In the Darkness, where most things become lost.
When I was a child like most children,
The darkness was a frighting place,
A place where things were lost,
And sometimes never found again.

But one day I found that the darkness was not a frightening place,
Though much wrong is done there,
And there is much to be afraid of,
If you don't have the strength,
Or the stomach to face what lies there.

I found that the darkness was good for me,
And bad for me at the same time,
For I had a light that shined inside,
That made the bad things in the darkness frightened of me.

But one can only spend so much time in the dark,
And after a time you lose your light,
and you become more dark than the darkness itself,
And you find there that what was wrong seems right,
And you become that which goes bump in the night.

For too long I have been lost,
Been too long a part of the dark, without my light,
But I have found it there,
Like a match struck to put flame to a candle.

It does not shine as I remember yet,
But it is there,
And everyday, love adds to the flame,
Becoming brighter and warmer,
with each smile, each touch.

And so my light has already found things that matter most,
Things that the darkness and my embrace of it had stolen away,
And as I find the things which matter most, my light shines brighter,
And illuminates my heart and soul.

I am still of the darkness, I spent too long there,
And cannot ever shake its folds from my heart and soul completely,
But now I don't find my way because I am part of the darkness,
I find it through the light that shines again,
So I am Lost AND I am Found,
All at once, in a brief moment in time,
And I know the way it leads,
And will be at peace once again.

Quincy R. Tatum
January 26, 2012

Upon a Rainy Friday

The rain falls from skies grey like the skin of the dead,
I walk through the puddles, and find my boots leak,
Not like Soldiers boots, my soldiers boots never leaked,
But I am not a soldier anymore,
There is a lot I am not any more, whether I like it or not.

Today marks the end of one more thing that I was,
One more thing that I beleived in and put my whole soul into,
Only to find my devotion was left wanting,
Lying in the mud feeling abandoned and alone,
Never able to wash my hands of the blood I see upon them.

Everything comes to an end they say,
And perhaps somethings don't end soon enough,
And somethings end too soon.
And so the latter or the former, one thing ends and another begins.

I look into the grey sky,
Feet wet but my soldiers jacket keeping me dry and warm,
And I feel the rain on my face,
Drops falling with as much uncertainty,
As the Future seems to hold.

I have hope, and I have dreams,
and I have the drugs the good doctors say,
To keep the Demons at arms length,
and let me see my hands clean for short periods of time.
Perhaps these things are enough,
To fill the spaces of what I am not anymore,
While I rediscover what I should have become,
Years ago......

Quincy R. Tatum
1/20/2012

Time

Time on my hands,
Time to kill,
Time for Reflection,
Time left to my own Devices,
These are not the times I need.

Times like those sink me,
Like a floundering man overboard,
In the sea filled with memory,
Filled with Pain,
Filled with Uncertainty.

I have spent too many years in those times,
Living in a hell that there was no one to share with,
Living a life that I filled the empty time,
To keep me from going mad,
To keep me taking care of those who I was responsible for,
Because that was the only duty that mattered,
The only thing that might regain my honor.

Now I must fill my time with Love,
And Laughter, and joy,
I cannot fall into that sea again,
For this time I may not resurface,
I must live in the words,
And the music that fills my soul,
And no matter how deep the ocean,
No matter how brutal the storms of time,
I will survive, I will overcome,
And I will be the man I am meant to be.

Quincy R Tatum
January 16,2012

Burning in my Soul

Rage and anger boils within,
Want to scream, want to shout,
Like shadow boxing,
The adversary is there, but doesn't fight back.

Loss and Grief coalesce as one,
Like flint and steel struck together,
Over light kindling and dry brush,
that builds into a raging inferno.

How to live, how to stand,
And face what has been said,
Face the turmoil inside,
When the battlefield is empty except for you.

To Stand and scream at the sky,
This is not what I was meant to be,
This is not what I should have become,
Because I was meant to be on the side of angels.

I am left battered in this suit of armor,
The Battle lost, the combatants moved on,
Before I was given opportunity,
To Fight, and prove my chivalry.

And so I stand alone and tormented,
Knowing what I am, and what I am not,
The things I have done, and those I have not,
But with no battle to fight to prove either.

How long will I stand against the storm,
And Await the combat, which may never come,
To just stand and let the burning inside,
Keep me warm through the long night.

QRT
January 10, 2012

Hope

It's her voice on the line,
It's the good morning message,
Little things, that equal,
Something sweet, something pure.

Its the understanding the heartbreak,
And the longing left to linger,
An ear for the complaints,
And a shoulder for the tears.

So long it has been since I felt like myself,
So long I have been what others needed me to be,
And now it's like being reborn,
To the man I could have been.

There is hope neath the pain,
In her voice, in her eyes,
There is strength that remains,
When all else is stripped away.

I cannot say where my road will lead,
Though history tells me I will take the hard one,
But hope springs like flowers along my path,
And her voice urges me on though my soul is weary.

Quincy Tatum
January 1, 2012